Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My hand turned me down
home. puking in laundry basket.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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