If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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