I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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