I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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