Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
