Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
