Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
