giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
