My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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