i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
