I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
