6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
