im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
