so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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