Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
50% drunk capacity currently
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
