so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
