Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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