i permit you to call me
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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