you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
