No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
