I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
