i think my tv is drunk
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
