Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
