oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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