And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
