So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
