I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
