If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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