There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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