is wine microwaveable?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
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Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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