I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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