It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
