I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
