Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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