THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
