She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
