No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
