life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
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