the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
