dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm sobbing to NWA
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
