Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
