Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We need to get me chipped asap
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
