When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
