Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
