Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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