people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
