I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Never underestimate the power of titties
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