Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
