Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize