We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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