george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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