I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
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I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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