Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
