The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My cat gives me a boner
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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