It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
