I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
