Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
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Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
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Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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