The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
