Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
