So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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