The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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