In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Pants are for mortals
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
