I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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