clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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