is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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