Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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